How to truly feel your goals

Zur deutschen Version geht es hier entlang – German version here

Julia Meder Dreamfinder CoachingEverybody is creating goals for the new year right now. And many goals will – again – not be reached. I have this problem every year as well and it really starts to annoy me. Therefore I started to have a hard time even beginning to think about my goals. Why bother if you don’t reach them anyway. But I might have found a better solution this year.
Last year I made a vision board. This year I couldn’t. I tried, though. I cut out many, many pieces from magazines, but at one point I realized that they were only headlines and texts, almost no pictures. And how do you make a visionboard with no pictures. Then I tried to find pictures on the internet but when I had to search for them and they didn’t come to me, they didn’t speak to me. So I decided to not make a visionboard this year even though it worked so well for me last year.

A different form of goal planning
I found something else and it might be something that you can try as well. It was more a coincidence that I listened to the audiobook The Desire Map Exercise by Danielle LaPorte. I have to admit I was sceptical at the beginning but then I realized that it came at the right moment for me. And it started out right as she talked about that she feels ambivalent towards her goals. Either she didn’t reach them and felt like a loser or she did reach and/or overexceeded them and felt like a loser because she obviously didn’t set goals that were ambitious enough.
Then she asked herself, what she would like to feel this year instead of creating goals. Those feelings she extracted though a longer process that she calls the Desire Map. After she knew her core desired feelings she checked her goals if they were a fit and knew exactly what she wanted and needed to do to feel as often as possible like she desired to.
This was a revelation for me. It was like many little puzzle pieces fell into the right place in one moment. so easy but so powerful! In the book Danielle LaPorte takes the reader through the Desire Map process and you will end up with three to five core desired feelings. You will have so much more clarity what belongs into your life and what doesn’t.
I am still in the process of letting my words sink in but they feel very right. So I checked my goals already and found that I can easily let go of some that I only put on my list out of obligation and that will never help me to feel my core desired feelings. I was chasing them out of the wrong reasons. At the same time there are goals that I wasn’t sure about and that I didn’t dare to put on my list but now they are on top of the list as they give me what I really need.

How do you want to feel?
So here is my question for you: How do you want to feel this year as often as possible?
Here are some tips:
1. Try to find words that are very specific and not too general. So not successful but a related word like propserous, blooming or triumphant. Use the thesaurus if you need help to find the right word and let it inspire you. One of my first words for example was energized but it didn’t quite ring true, but then I found radiant and this hit home. And when I am radiant I need to be full of energy anyway. So this is the perfect combination.
2. Also try to find only words that come from inside and are not dependant on your external world. THe words loved, seen, acknowledged for example are words that mean that somebody is giving it to you. But when you say you want to feel love most of the time this is different because it is on you to feel that way.
3. Additionally the words that mean that you need to take action are something you should keep an eye on. Examples are caring or loving. They seem to be good words but it means that you need to do this to somebody or yourself. So you need to do something to feel your core desired feelings. One of my first words for example was nurturing, as I really love to take care of others. But I changed it to tender (as in loving and taking care as well as soft). Because if I feel tenderness I can also include this in my work with clients as I hold them safe and take care of their feelings.
If you are interested to learn more about the Desire Map, I can only recommend Danielle’s book. And if you are able to listen to it, do it. She has such a warm and nice voice. She will guide you through the process.

Do you already know your words? Mine are radiant, explorative, tender and grounded. I would love to hear from you in the comments.

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